According to the Sun, highly organized squads of flying seagulls recently staged a precision strike that yielded the destruction of a prefab roof, forcing a number of besieged schoolchildren to seek shelter elsewhere.
This is the latest in an ongoing offensive that has seen the Seagull Army establishing a beachhead on North Dublin. So far, point elements have destroyed three classrooms of a school, swooped on a little girl enjoying an ice lolly, and denied humans the use of outdoor pub tables.
An exclusion zone has been setup around the town of Balbriggan, the first step in declaring open warfare on the seagull forces.
Children in local schools have been forced to retreat indoors while eating their lunch to avoid gull spotter units.
Other residents have complained of attacks after dark, with one particular back window being heavily damaged and an alarm going off due to hard pecking.
A land-based laser defence system to deal with the onslaught was recently proposed, but never materialized. In the meantime, the animals continue to proliferate unchecked, staging hit-and-run attacks on the residents of Balbriggan and beyond.