They have been probing the strength of mankind’s defences over the last few weeks. After a number of hit-and-run attacks on our perimeter lines to test our readiness, the seagull armies are said to be about to escalate their offensive.
So far, they have scored a mobile phone, the termination of two ewes, and knocking a rider off his bike in several daring raids.
But now, a UK expert has warned that the wretched creatures “could start targeting babies”, unless the birds are exterminated with extreme prejudice.
Simon Prentiss, a spokesperson for the Gull Awareness Group, has launched an online petition to urge the British government to fund research into the birds’ aggressiveness against humanity.
According to ominous reports, groups of seagulls have been spotted swooping down on household pets, nonchalantly eating small rodents, and even feasting on other birds.
Mr. Prentiss added that babies could very well be next on their menu.
He said “To a seagull, what’s the difference between a dog playing on the lawn and a baby playing on the lawn?
“If somebody were to leave a baby sleeping in a pram or a push chair and left it unattended, it happens.”
“I would not wish it on anybody but we’re headed in that direction.”
Perhaps we humans are to blame for our own demise. Perhaps we took the seagulls for granted for too long. We ignored the signs.
Yet, while we may be some way away from mankind’s last stand against a flying army of vengeful birds, do watch the skies and try to avoid leaving mobile phones and prams unattended around seagull-infested areas.
You have been warned.